I opened DeviantArt today almost accidentally. I saw the link to my page on my Facebook page, and just went "oh, I forgot this exists. Let's give it a visit!"

Whoa.

It's been over a year since I last wrote here. Seeing that last post about my worries of last year, what to do THIS year, where to go, which uni, which country, what program - so much has changed. So, so much. It brings tears to my eyes. I'm not sure whether in a good or bad way.

In a year I have lost a significant part of my innocence.
In a year I have lost a significant part of my lively happiness.
In a year I became someone you could describe as "mellow".
In a year I became a more cynical person.
In a year I have grown up a lot. I don't know if I like it.
In a year I have loved for the first time, been loved for the first time, and had lost a loved one for the first time.
In a year I had faced people I never wish anyone to face.
In a year I have learnt to live in the country of my origin.
In a year I had faced academic failure and hardship for the first time.
In a year I have raised my self esteem and became a much more confident person.

What did end up happening after that last journal post I wrote, was that I hadn't the money to go study in England. I was very much in denial about that while writing it, but it was obvious to all else. I ended up going with the third option - I now study Physics in uni in Israel, am a part of the army and will be until I'm 27. I don't regret that. Making that choice introduced me to amazing people and experiences. The best three months of my life. Then the worst. And the recovery, making me understand how much stronger I am than what I previously thought.

My first semester in uni was a massive academic failure. Being used to doing nothing and acing everything blew up in my face. Everyone here was once like that. This uni is a massive step up. So I spent most of my first semester having a lot of fun (regret NONE of it), and ended up paying for it. It took that to make me start working my ass off in the semester ending now. It went much better, but still much room for improvement. I'll get there, I am a perfectionist so it doesn't worry me.

I also met, for the first time, someone I cared for more than for my own sorry ass. She is amazing and everything I could wish for. Except her parents didn't like the whole thing to say the least, and after 3 months of heaven followed by a 2.5 months long struggle, she ended it. Circumstances weren't the best, and it could've been done better, but understandable. I'm beginning to be ok again. It will take a while, but I'm very determined.

All in all, probably the most significant year in my short life thus far. Let's see how the next one plays out.